Today I am Going to Fly

Some men are born posthumously. ~Nietzsche

Thinking about thinking

Posted by penuruloki on September 19, 2006

I’m going to leave aside the pirate thing for a bit, because I actually want to post something serious.

I’ve been meaning to import my old blog posts into the new blog system for a while now, and just haven’t gotten around to it. While searching through those posts for a piece of information, I realized just how radically my posting habits have changed since I left Xanga.

Obviously, I post a lot less. Part of that is feeling stretched between school and work. I don’t have as much time to mull things over and post the results anymore.

The bigger issue though, is content. I used to ramble on in long posts about what was going on and how I felt about it, or related stories about what was going on in my life (serious or frivolous).

Looking at my new blog now (before this gets posted), I have more posts about _blogging_ than about my personal life. Part of that is due to changes in my life.

I work full time now, but I try to avoid blogging about work. There’s just too many issues to rationalize. Both the inmates and COs need their privacy for various reasons, and posting about them on the internet just isn’t smart. I think I need to start posting about my work experiences to help process them, but there’s a lot that I really can’t say here.

Not much else in my life is cohesive right now. It’s a sea of vast unprocessed information that I don’t know how to write about.

What it really comes down to is that I used to be much more introspective. I used to spend a lot more time watching the world and thinking about what is.

I made a drunken post about the same thing once back on Xanga, but never did any follow-up. My one coherant resolution of that post was to write more. I think now that my reading and writing habits almost define my experience in life. The years of writing stand out vividly, while the years of silence are stagnant. In light of this, the growing silence is discomforting. I feel like I’m losing the “self” that’s been building up, but I’m not sure what to do about it.

Or I’m scared to do what might need to be done. I’ve never been comfortable throwing caution to the wind, and the solution may be more dicey than I like. Que sera, sera. But for now I just need to start _thinking_ again.


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