Today I am Going to Fly

Some men are born posthumously. ~Nietzsche

Surrendering Battles

Posted by penuruloki on September 28, 2006

I saw someone recently that I used to know socially, but never really became friends with. It was one of those people that disappointed my expectations slowly over time. There’s a few of them actually, and some of them I still talk to (and even enjoy talking to). In this case, I was a little bitter about the disappointment (for a number of reasons only vaguely coherent that I won’t cover now), and I don’t particularly care to see or talk to them.

They still say “hi” to me. For some reason this bothers me. This person isn’t a friend, and I don’t perceive that little gesture as friendly in anything more that a superficial way, so I keep wondering why they bother. I would rather get the cold shoulder from them. It would seem more appropriate. I almost wish I had done something to piss them off, but it doesn’t seem worth it for a minor annoyance. We have to pick our battles and something so petty isn’t worth it (though I am a very petty person).

So I nod or wave or do something else noncommittal and superficial to get it over with, and I feel dirty afterward. The bad kind of dirty.

I guess I’m just petty enough to feel bitter about playing out this charade just because it isn’t worth the effort to do anything else. It simply is the easiest “out”. How did I end up here anyway (besides being petty)?

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