Today I am Going to Fly

Some men are born posthumously. ~Nietzsche

If you had RSS set up, you would be reading this post today

Posted by penuruloki on April 14, 2008

Went to Geek Prom this weekend in Duluth. The event itself was cool, insofar as a any geek event can attain that descriptor without reaching sarcasm or irony. I had two distinct motives for going, so it makes sense to treat them separately.

First, I wanted to connect with some old friends. Along with Jenn and Sarah, who live in Duluth, Sam came up from the Cities. Rachael and Alex also came out with us. They still live in Morris, but I don’t see much of them these days. It was good to see them, but with only one evening, contact was fleeting. I really didn’t get to talk to Sam all that much and it wasn’t really a forum for _doing_ anything, so we didn’t do much either. It was nice to see him, but I wished the weekend had been longer. Jenn was busy most of the time, so we didn’t get to talk much either, but I did get to talk to Sarah for a while. Sarah is one the people that I wanted to have gotten to know better, but didn’t get the chance. She graduated not too long after I met her at the UR, and even when we worked together, I was still a new arrival getting adjusted, and she was established with the core group. I’ve seen her a few times since then (with Jenn), and it’s nice to be able to talk to her. As they say, “you can never go back,” but to be able to make new contact with old acquaintances brings a sense of reality to the fantasy of memories. Pete was there with Laura (his fiance) but he was busy (and under the influence) most of the time as well, and she seemed out of place, like she was enduring rather than enjoying the festivities. Perhaps we can only ask for so much out of a gathering, but I was left wishing I had been given more time for old friends.

The second reason for going related to the decision I had to make earlier this year. With the prospect of finally graduating, I could start to think about what I was going to do afterward. I strongly considered Duluth (and may yet move there) but eventually decided to stay in Morris. I didn’t have the language at the time to express my thoughts, but ultimately I was pining for the social atmosphere of a Valhalla like Duluth, but not yet ready to leave the stability and limited demands of Morris. Grad school remains a possible future option, but the future looks increasing far away; not in the sense that it looks less achievable (in some sense the opposite is true), but because it’s starting to feel like I have time. It seems odd, with 30 fast approaching, but as time passes, pressures on time sensitive goals get less immediate. They become less realistic, and the energy can be focused on pursuits over larger time scales. Morris is less immediately fulfilling than Duluth would have been, but within a larger scope, offers a smaller pond to experiment in, with fewer demands and distractions. A chance to visit Duluth helps with perspective, keeping the debate (which does not end with the decision to extend my stay in Morris) grounded in a certain reality. With any luck, I’ll find time (and money) after school ends to make more journeys to Duluth and other destinations that tend toward idealization in my thinking, to keep a proper perspective.

The cost of the time spent going is that the process of cleaning and reorganizing Silicon Row into a respectable dwelling and activity center has ground to a halt. With two papers due this week and a convention next weekend, I don’t know how much progress can be made either. We set a hard date of graduation to complete the effort though, so the battle will recommence soon.

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